Went up to school today to scout out my apartment. Mostly to see what the walk to campus is like, as the apartments are closed during summer. It's four blocks on a hill. I'm NOT happy about that. I hate walking, and hills are worse, and I'm just not happy. We peeked in the windows of the apartment and got a decent look at the rooms, then we were leaving and an employee was there to move some people who are staying there for a visit day or something to a different room - anyway, he was really nice and let us in to see the hallway. THEN, the people who were moving were nice enough to let us peek in their room and actually get a look at the place - not my unit, but they should all be the same. So I actually got to see the place. It's very small. lol but I can handle that, if my roommate is ok. I've met two of them online, but I don't know who I'll be in a bedroom with.
So then I came home and had a little crisis regarding where to go, because I was really upset about the distance from school, and having to design my own major out of very few classes, and I've never really liked the campus...basically the straw that broke the camel's back. I looked through my college stuff and decided yes, I should have gone to George Fox, but I've made this bed so I'm going to do my best to lay in it. Here's hoping I manage to stick to that resolution.
So we've got flies all up in our house, I'm trying to sell my and my brother's stuff on ebay (his for a commission), and CBC didn't pick up season two of Torchwood. D<
Friday my sister-in-law took back the cat. Their house has been infested with fleas, and none of the flea poisons they've tried have worked, so they wanted the cat back to put flea poison on to attract the fleas to kill them. I was not pleased with this idea. Cats are not toys, they are living beings who shouldn't be used like that. But like I had a say. And it is a whole lot less stressful not having to deal with her and my cat fighting, so I don't think I'd be too averse to not getting her back (the plan is for them to give her back after the fleas are gone). But I'll take her if they don't want her. She's a sweetheart, and they were learning to start to get along. We'll see.
Friday night went to my brother's band's last concert, which was pretty good. My first and quite possibly last time in a bar; interesting.
Saturday my brother and sister-in-law brought over my nephew, who really is the cutest baby you'll ever see.
Have made contact with one of my roommates-to-be, haven't talked much but she seems nice.
The guy I'm selling my Nancy Drews to didn't show up where we were supposed to meet, though he says he did. So we're supposed to try again tomorrow, but he hasn't gotten back to me to say that he'll be there...blah.
And I've gotten a private loan for school, so that's covered until I have to pay it off.
I feel stressed out.
Last Saturday and Sunday we had a garage sale at my grandparents', because they live in a development that was having a community garage sale. Long days for, let's face it, not a whole lot of money. Granted I made lots more than my parents or grandparents because most of the stuff was mine, but most of that money went to pay back my parents for money I owed them. No big deal.
I'm also trying to sell my Nancy Drews. Sold some at the garage sale, which was good. I've also made a deal to sell some to this guy online, we're meeting later this week to exchange money/books. Meeting strangers from online = stressful. And kind of scary. Which is probably where the stress comes from. I left some at my grandparents' house, though, that he decided he wants, so I have to go get them tomorrow so I can sell them to him.
Biggest stresser of all, of course: school. Saturday I got my room and roommate assignment. NOT happy about the apartment I've been assigned, but I emailed them about it and that's what there is. Decided on a meal plan (how exactly am I supposed to know how many meals I'll want TWO MONTHS from now for a whole YEAR?) and signed the contract tonight; it'll go in the mail tomorrow. Has to be there by the first of August. All of my financial information does - and my Stafford loan hasn't been processed yet, despite having applied for it in APRIL. So I've got about ten days for other people to get done what they've had three months to get done, and there's not much I can do about it. I emailed the school to see if they're the holdup, if they aren't I'll contact the bank. Blaaaaahh. I need that money.
I shouldn't stress. I know that. God will make everything work out. I know that. But I'm human. I can't help it. STRESSED.
Sometimes I feel sick to my stomach thinking about moving out this fall.
Other times, I cannot wait to get away from my parents!
The cat's settling in nicely. Puts up with the dog, doesn't like my cat but they tolerate each other at a distance. Comfortable roaming the house now. I had no idea Persians require such work though - she has to be groomed all the time - though we haven't, as she won't let us - and has to have her face washed because she gets eye gunk that she can't clean herself, and we have to keep her rear end trimmed or she gets stuff caught in the fur there, as well as trimming off mats. She's a real sweetheart, though. Loves attention. Looks just like an Ewok.
God seems to be providing a way for me to pay for school. I can get a private loan for what financial aid doesn't cover, or I can borrow from my aunt (which I don't really want to do, but the option is there), or my brother might be able to cover it for me. Isn't that something? You think something is a huge obstacle, and then He goes and provides not one, not two, but three possible avenues to get you where you're going. Quite something.
And I applied for a job. I'd have to quit in like two and half months, but it's still money. And the way I spend money, it'd be very helpful.
I went in the pool right after we got it. Stayed in for too long, or something, because it made me ill. I was really dizzy getting out, almost couldn't stand, and really nauseas, had to lay down next to the pool until it passed enough for me to make it into the house, then I was freezing cold despite it being an 80 degree day. I've only been in it once since then, for a short while with other people; I'm kind of afraid of it now.
My nephew came over yesterday. He's eight months, I think. He's the most adorable baby, sooo sweet and cute. I <3 him. He went in the pool with us, it was so cute - and he had fun.
Seems like there was something more substantial I wanted to post - I've been meaning to post for days - but I can't for the life of me think of what it was. Oh well.
I'm so psyched it's finally going to be warm. It's been way too cold this year, but it's finally going to be upper 80s this weekend. I went and bought a big ol' pool the other day, I'll probably set it up tomorrow morning or this evening. It's inflatable, 12' around and 30" deep. It'll be so nice!
Yesterday got a new cat - my brother and sister-in-law didn't want theirs anymore, so we took her. She's still mostly hiding and hissing at our dog and cat when they get too near (with our cat hissing right back and the dog trying to catch her). Hopefully they'll all learn to get along. She's Persian. I love Persians. Smooshy-faces <3 Around 12 years old, same age as my cat. Horrible fleas, so we just gave her some flea poison. I really hope it works out, I don't know what they'll do with her if she can't learn to get along with our pets/vice versa. Poor baby's so stressed right now.
Yesterday after my sister-in-law brought the cat we walked to the park and played tennis for half an hour. It was really fun - exhausting but fun. Hopefully we'll be able to do it regularly and start getting some exercise and losing weight. And of course she brought my nephew, who stayed at the house with my mom while we went. He's so cute, for real. You smile and wave at him and he just gives you the hugest smile back. And he's learned to put up his arms for you to pick him up, which is so cute that he wants you to hold him. I love that kid!
I didn't get the job I wanted. After playing email tag, they finally said there was no position available. I don't think I'm going to bother trying to find a different job for only three months.
I don't hate my haircut. I think I was just in an I-hate-everything kind of a mood. Though I don't think it did the job of making me look my age, but oh well.
My community college class graduated on Friday. I didn't go. I figured, I've been out of school for a quarter already, and I've had my degree for a couple months already, it's not quite as significant as if I had just finished school, you know? So I didn't go. I'm kind of wishing I had now, mostly because I saw a classmate's pictures, and it looked fun. Too late now.
I still haven't gotten a job. The place I really want to work at still hasn't gotten back to me; I'm thinking of emailing again but I don't want to be a pest - who wants to hire a pest? But if they're not going to hire me I'd at least like to know, or if they're waiting awhile before deciding I'd like to know that too. I don't know what other job I'd look for though, this one is really the absolute perfect job for me, and I don't want to be stuck working some retail job at the mall for minimum wage. But I have to get a job one way or the other, to help pay for school this fall. I looked into a few government scholarships/internships, but they all require you to relocate to DC for two summers before you graduate and I don't have two summers before I graduate, just this summer (which is too soon to be counted) and next summer, plus next summer I'm thinking of/considering going to study at Oxford for the summer semester. So that wouldn't really work. Plus I'm not quite confident enough to move to DC by myself for an unknown sort of job by myself where I know no one by myself. And I haven't gotten any of the scholarships I applied for - I didn't apply for many, but it would have been nice to have gotten something. And there was one I really wanted, but I haven't heard from them either. So basically money issues not going so well.
But!
I was sitting outside reading today, and decided to take a few moments to try to sit quietly and see if I could hear God speaking to me (not that He generally does, but I thought it was worth a shot), and I think He did, in my thoughts, because that's how He does it, right? Anyway I was looking at some flowers, and they made me think of that verse that goes about how God takes care of the flowers, clothing them, and of the birds and all, and how much more will He take care of us, and how we shouldn't worry. And I think He was talking about jobs and college money and stuff, because that's what I thought about, and if He put the verse in my head it stands to reason He put the rest in there, too. So I'm going to try not to worry about it, and trust that He'll provide a way, a job, a source of money, whatever. Theoretically, anyway, I'm not very good at not worrying. (And what if I'm wrong? What if it was just my head?) But I suppose He won't provide a job unless I look for one, right? Which puts me back to square one...hmm. But I'll TRY not to worry about it too much, even as I try to find a job.
I hate birthdays. I hate feeling like people are only there because it's an obligation to go to your party. I hate people saying they're happy to do whatever but being obviously miserable while doing it and leaving as soon as they possibly can. I hate my own greed for presents. I hate feeling like I'm making people do things they don't want to do. I hate that people treat me like a little girl. I hate my new haircut but can't say anything because my mom spent $75 on it. I hate feeling too full, or having had too much dairy - I'm not sure which, whatever it is my stomach hurts now. I hate my sister-in-law's hypocrisy, and that she won't come out and say what she's feeling about us.
All of this wouldn't have happened if I hadn't've had a stupid birthday. I hate birthdays.
Maybe a minor isn't so important. I mean having a minor in Latin would look pretty cool, but once I've gone to grad school no one will even look at it, right? So maybe I ought to only have a major and not minor so I can take other classes, too.
